The Anxiety & Phobia Treatment Center at White Plains Hospital |
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Julia recently attended our Intensive Program. Below is her story in her words.
Dear Judy, Marjorie, and Barbara:
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for the exceptional care that was given to me recently. The intensive program for my elevator/claustrophobia was best suited for my situation and was the right time for me to finally face this issue once and for all. I came to all of you fully ready to confront my phobia but in essence was "scared to pieces." I knew that in order for me to be successful I had to fully embrace the program and fully trust my care-givers, Marjorie Mottola and Barbara Bonder. I had to surrender and give up control to actually gain control of my fear.
I will never forget the first session with Barbara. She was friendly and understanding and had a determined manner. I knew she wanted me to overcome this challenge-we were going to conquer this!
I remember the first rides in the hospital elevator-I cried-not from actual fear, but from the emotion of the fact that I was putting my fear right in front of my face and saying "let me have it"-let me change the conditioned thought that it was not safe to ride in the elevator alone and it will get stuck. In one session, Barbara de-mystified the elevator and locked doors-which in elevators will work for you just like they do for everyone else-it is highly unlikely for anything to go wrong and you know what-a locked door actually opens when you unlock it! My first day was exhausting but I knew I was doing the very right thing at the very right place. My second day with Marjorie-I came in with a low level of anxiety. I felt it all morning and even had a mild panic earlier that morning which I handled well.
My anxiety was just that-anxiety because I knew that because of what I accomplished the day before-that today-if I truly wanted to proceed with my recovery, I would have to face the ultimate moment of being in an elevator alone. I understood it all and met Marjorie not only with some anxiety but with fear. Marjorie is kind, soothing and determined. Again, I knew the hands I was in were trusting, kind, understanding and magnificently competent.
My moment came at the Galleria Mall in the glass elevator. Again, all with manageable small steps-allowing myself to give up control in order to gain control-we proceeded to first ride together. Then Marjorie said that we would get off the elevator and she would sit and watch me from the food court. I was to wait until the elevator was empty and then step in and ride one level and then come back.
So there I stood waiting for the elevator-my ultimate moment. I waited for the elevator to be empty-my first opportunity came and I couldn't do it. I waited for the next opportunity, and my anxiety was rising because I know that if I can't do this-which is why I was in the program-then what? So there I stood, letting another empty elevator pass by and another moment still in my conditioned fear-"don't get in the elevator alone." Then Marjorie came to me and in a non-judgmental and encouraging, kind voice said to me-"Let's try this a different way; let's get in the elevator together and when it empties I will leave and you will stay and ride one level and then come back to the level we are on." Okay, so I knew this was it. We went in together, and I knew I had seconds before I would do this and I also knew that any pressure was coming from me-so I used my tools-counting backwards was what helped me. The elevator emptied and there I was-in the elevator alone for the first time in my entire life. I counted 100, 99, 98, 97, 96 and like a miracle from heaven, as if this had never happened on this green earth ever before but only for me, the elevator doors opened! I then pushed the button-went back up to the food court level, and, by gosh, it happened again-the doors opened. I stepped out and into the proud arms of Marjorie. I was a bit shaky but not too much, and she then immediately took me back into the elevator for another ride. I needed a little water and when I opened up my mildly carbonated drink, which I forgot was carbonated, it sprayed out onto both of us-quite appropriate-a bit of a christening for my maiden voyage and the beginning of recovery! We both laughed and it really felt great! We then stepped out and sat on a bench-to be proud of my accomplishment. I had never in all of my life been in an elevator alone and here I was at the Galleria and it was done. A lifetime of conditioning and fear seemed to be in that elevator. Now I knew I was going to begin the path of leaving all of that behind- truly magnificent.
When one faces any phobia-you face fear and jubilation at the same time. I was petrified and determined and then relieved by the heavy burden that was lifted-a true "high." I was taking a piece of my life that essentially was taken from me-I was choosing life instead of fear. The rest of the week I spent in every elevator in White Plains and then on to Stamford, Connecticut and then the Palisades Mall-all the time with two exceptional professionally trained counselors who truly cared and had walked a million miles in my shoes. Each time they let me go a little more-as if giving me roots and wings -each time removing themselves from the situation to allow me independent success. I was, at worst, just sick of elevators by the end, and, at best, so relieved that this burden was lifted. I know how every elevator works, and which ones are fast, which ones slow. My favorite was Fortunoff's, my least favorite was JC Penney, and I even started to like the service elevator at the hospital!
It was very, very hard work, and I progressed very well---more than I ever thought possible. Each day I set some goals and each day I achieved those goals. This was one of the hardest things I have done thus far in my life.
Am I fully cured? No, but I have continued my practice and what I know for sure is that I CAN GET IN AN ELEVATOR ALONE. It may never be perfect, but I know I won't ever be at the stage I was when I came into treatment-and that is the biggest relief I could ever have. The program gave me the proper thought process and broke a conditioned thought process that I can continue to work on, using "the tools" to manage the situation instead of avoiding it.
I was truly amazed and awestruck by the whole process-I had read about it and am very well versed about anxiety and phobias. I knew that for me to tackle this hurdle-I simply could not do it alone. I was not going to respond to remote counseling-it was impossible for me to just go into elevators on my own like homework from any counselor-it just was not happening. I had to be brought into the situation-ready and fully surrendering to this tried and true model of exposure therapy. I had to be a believer in order to be an achiever. I had to give up control in order to gain control.
I will never forget my "maiden voyage" and I will continue my work-until riding in elevators does become as "normal" for me as it is for most everyone else.
I want to both applaud and thank all of you on the life-giving work that you all do. As a professional patient care provider, I know and appreciate not only competent but "over the top" care given with compassion and dedication.
I will continue my work on the elevators. Also, I would actually like to consider the Phobia Counselor Training program for myself-I have a minor degree in Psychology and a life experience with overcoming anxiety and phobic behavior. I come into contact with many patients whom I know are dealing with these issues and do not know where to turn. I know that I am in a position of trust to offer them help.
God Bless each and every one of you in the "life-affirming" work that you do.
One of the unique offerings of the Center is its Intensive program. For those people who do not live near the Center, the Intensive Program provides the same therapy as our workshops, but in a condensed time period. The success rate ("clients were much improved") of the program is very high-as is the motivation of those who make the commitment to overcome their fears. Below is a story of one of those motivated people.
Scott recently attended our Intensive Program. Living too far to attend one of our weekly phobia workshops, Scott signed on to overcome his claustrophobia and worked with two of our Phobia Cou nselors. Because of his work commitments, Scott's Intensive schedule was divided among two to three days for two weeks. Phobia Counselor Jackie Kupper interviewed Scott for this article.
How did you find the Anxiety & Phobia Treatment Center?
I was at the hospital with a family member and saw the kiosk in the lobby with the Anxiety & Phobia Center information.
How long had you been experiencing anxiety issues?
For eight years, which started with a general uneasy feeling of small places. No particular incident triggered it.
Specifically, what concerns were you seeking help for?
Claustrophobia and flying were my major concerns.
What were your expectations?
To improve a little bit each session.
What did you and your Phobia Counselors do during your work sessions?
We started by making a list of what I wanted to accomplish and started on that list in baby steps. I went to the train station and watched many trains go by, I watched the subway, I went to the airport and even purchased a ticket and went to the boarding lounge to sit there. I had to get comfortable before "taking my anxiety to the streets." I don't think you can sit in an office and overcome fearful situations. You have to get into the situation to learn to deal with the challenges.
New York City is full of challenges with subways, traffic jams in tunnels, etc. Tools really helped me expose myself to these situations and get through them. I worked with my counselors two to three hours several days each week. I needed to push myself to do this as I was about three hours from home and from my beloved 20-month- old daughter and wonderful wife.
What aspects of the program were most helpful to you in your recovery?
All the field work done with my superstar coaches, Judy Shaw and Barbara Bonder-working in the subways, tunnels, trams, traffic jams, elevators. Using tools helped me enter these situations.
Was a week's worth of treatment sufficient?
It is a foundation, and regular and consistent work must be done every week going forward. Counselors provide the road map but the individual must take the journey.
You have to be like an athlete training for an Olympic gold medal. You have to be relentless and practice. You have to stay on your regime each and every day to win a gold medal-otherwise you are not achieving your potential. In this case, you might slip back and start avoiding things again.
When clients begin to face their fears, they experience inevitable anxiety as they practice in their phobic situations. Was this exposure worthwhile?
Yes, absolutely. Things are doable now. I am competitive by nature so I treated it as a competition with myself. One day I even did eight tunnel trips in two hours, said goodbye to my counselor, drove out of my way over a bridge to drive back through New York City just to take my ninth tunnel of the day (by myself, without my counselor) to get home.
I would suggest to try and not hate the process. Keep a diary so you are reminded of your progress and accomplishments.
I used to try to keep anxiety away, to suppress the feelings, but I wasn't getting any better. I learned that I needed to expect the levels of anxiety and that's when I felt better.
The pain was 100% worthwhile. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. I saw a man in a wheelchair get on the tram one day when I was practicing and I thought: I bet that man would trade places with a phobic person in a second.
What is your advice for others?
Every day that you wait to enroll in this outstanding program you are not living a complete life. Take the chance, get motivated and make these challenges a thing of the past.
To have the blessing of physical well being and health is a gift-I learned, after taking this program, that I didn't want to waste it.
I hope that thought will motivate others to take that first little step. This program is spectacular, and it is changing my life.
by John Cook, Phobia Counselor
Phobia recovery can be a very difficult process. If you're lucky enough to find it, however, undertaking treatment in the form of exposure therapy, or real-life desensitization, as it is sometimes called, can be even more difficult, especially for those who have been living with a phobia for a long time. Exposure therapy requires people to confront what they fear most-their dreaded phobic situation. It takes a lot of courage, will power, and motivation to enter into a therapy program and to stick with it. Unfortunately, many people with phobias are very good at coming up with excuses not to try. Or, once engaged in a program, not to continue and to avoid the practicing that is necessary for recovery: "I have a cold. My daughter's home from college. Work has been so busy lately. I have too much going on right now." How often have we all heard these excuses? And yet, excuse-making signals avoidance-the very thing that perpetuates phobias. From my experience as a phobia counselor, I have found that motivation is key in phobia recovery. Those who are the most motivated, who really want to recover, are the ones who achieve the most, and quickest, success. Those who make excuses, who choose to avoid or not confront their phobias, make little or no progress. Finding and maintaining the motivation necessary for recovery can be difficult, but there are a number of things you can do to help: 1. If you think you simply don't have time for treatment because of so many obligations, consider how important recovery is to you. Is it keeping you from getting a better job? Visiting a loved one? Or is it taking away valuable time from your already busy schedule because you have to take the stairs instead of the elevator or drive on local roads instead of highways? Write down a list of ways in which your life can be improved if you take the time to invest in your recovery-and post the list where you're likely to see it every day. Keeping your eye on the prize is a potent motivator. 2. Devise a specific plan for your recovery. For example, decide that you will practice at least twice a week (more is preferable, although you can increase the number of practice sessions as you progress through recovery). At the beginning of the week, write down a schedule with the dates, times, and locations of your practice sessions. Decide exactly what your goal is for each session, what tools you will use, and what your "out" will be. For example, "Monday, February 2, 11 am, I will get on the eastbound turnpike at exit 7 and drive to the next exit. For tools, I will use my new CD, some ice-cold water, and recite boys' names going through the alphabet. If I feel as if I can't make it to the exit, I can pull off safely onto the shoulder." Plan on rewarding yourself after the sessions-enjoy some favorite food or go to a movie. Make your plan as specific as possible. Anxiety is about disorganization-the more structure you bring to your treatment plan, the better. After each practice session, write down what you did. Looking back at past achievements can be highly motivating. 3. Work with a support person. Not only are two heads better than one, but a support person can help keep you motivated and make it easier for you to enter into your phobic situation. A support person can be a relative, a close friend, or a professional phobia counselor-it should be someone who understands your phobia and how important it is for you to stay motivated and not to avoid practicing-or make excuses! 4. Attend support group meetings. Support groups are a great way to both give and get emotional support. Having others applaud your successes and help you keep from getting discouraged is a powerful motivator. But, as with practice sessions, don't make excuses to not attend. Make attending meetings part of your recovery plan and schedule them as you do your practice sessions. 5. Don't let anticipatory anxiety deter you from a practice session. When it strikes, focus on something else-a pleasant scene, for example; then, as my former phobia counselor used to say, "Just grab your coat and go." 6. Don't get discouraged by stuck points or setbacks-they are a normal part of recovery. And exercise patience if you think your recovery is taking too long. Remember that everyone recovers at their own pace, and everything you do in recovery is important. The only failure is a lack of effort. You may have some ideas of your own. As that same counselor used to say, "Whatever works." The important thing is to stay motivated. And if you must avoid, avoid the excuses.* *
by Steve M.
I'm writing this little reflection for those who have a phobia about air travel and have managed to fly for the first time in awhile, perhaps through a course like the one offered by the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center, but still have lingering anxiety. I'm doing this because most books and materials seem geared to people who are still in the "avoidance mode" and have either not yet flown or are just making their way back. If you have that "comeback" flight under your belt, you might ask, "now what?" Most people in this situation will continue to have fears. I speak from experience. I successfully completed the Free to Fly program at the center last May, but knew there was more work to be done if I wanted to achieve my objective, which is being able to fly comfortably-permanently. I had been already chipping away at this phobia for quite some time (by reading and listening to tapes and otherwise thinking about flying), and I knew that once I graduated, I would have to make a commitment to fly frequently in order to "lock in" my gains. Throughout the course I greatly appreciated Program Leader Dr. Marty Seif's anxiety one-liners and practical tips; one of those I took to heart was the advice: if one can manage to fly at least once per month for around two years, then flying can "become yours." With that in mind, I resolved to do as he had recommended. So far it's going well because I've stayed the course-but it hasn't been easy. The main reason is anticipatory anxiety, which, as Dr. Seif and other experts in the field of phobias have indicated, has a life of its own. Don't get me wrong; I'm still not totally calm on a plane, even though I've recently completed a total of eight trips (see the table at the end of the story). It's now January, and I'm looking forward to scheduling something this month, then, in February there's an industry conference I need to attend in Scottsdale, Arizona, and in March there's another event in Las Vegas. So I'm gearing up for some long jaunts. In the meantime what I hope to do is track my progress, with the goal of perhaps helping others in the future. After my first two flights, both with groups, I discovered the exhilaration of success that one gets immediately after facing a fear. I usually felt ready to "go again right away," which explains why I have tended to make my next reservation soon after my last flight, to take advantage of this energy and optimism, which sometimes doesn't last (for this reason, I did two trips last May). What I realized was anticipatory anxiety seems to lie in the subconscious, and the longer I've waited after the last flight, I've noticed a nagging desire to avoid making the next reservation--a feeling of dread that's not based on my actual experience, which, as we know, has been rather good! Purchasing my tickets used to be quite difficult. The old familiar tightness began in my left chest, a little lightness in the breathing, a little projection of myself into the future flight situation (through imagination). After the ticket was bought, there was still the flutter. Then it would go away for a while, only to re-emerge a week or so before the flight. But, most importantly, these sensations have reduced with each successful trip. For instance, I've gone from semi-intense worry starting three or more weeks before a flight, to the point where the anxiety begins only a few days before a flight. I can tell you that when you take steps to address anticipatory anxiety, its duration generally shortens. What you end up doing is simply thinking about other things again, going about your daily business, and staying in the moment. But in the early going, for me, the time right before a flight was marked by headaches, lack of sleep, imagining myself in the plane over and over again, and a tendency to get stomach upset; the latter is a queasy, acidic sensation, and quite often I would find it difficult to eat. I'd also get irritable and impatient with life's everyday disappointments, injustices and trials-more than I normally do, anyway. The real "acid test" (pun intended) was my third trip in the progression, when I went by myself to Washington D.C. That was a real mixture of sensations. The amount of time I spent worrying and having "levels" gradually reduced, except for the week before leaving. The night before was especially difficult; I couldn't sleep and very seriously thought of canceling. In fact I really had to push myself to drive to LaGuardia. I called my counselor, Judy Shaw, from my car and somehow I managed to make it to the terminal. Actually, I thought it was nothing short of miraculous! Once I touched down in D.C., what a feeling of accomplishment! A wave of relief hit me, and I spent the night in a hotel-fully able to sleep and to eat. It was a true breakthrough, and I suspect that many people will have the same thing happen if they keep on flying. There will be one flight where a really excruciating bout of anticipatory anxiety will sneak up on you and will be hard to move through. It's a wall that, if overcome, may be an even greater triumph than the graduation flight. My anxiety on my third trip was greater than what it was on the graduation flight. I assume the feelings needed time to "settle in." Which brings up the question: what if I had cancelled? Indeed, I was worried that if I allowed myself the luxury of opting out, it might be that much more difficult later. My thought was that I'd have to go back to flying with other people-or perhaps work through the other progressions in my recovery: tall buildings, the tram, copters, until I was ready to go up again. Fortunately, my monthly jet travel has continued unbroken and it has gotten much easier. In between my plane trips I have done some desensitization work with Judy-including peering over the railing from the top floor of the Trump Tower atrium on Fifth Avenue-to deal with my core fear of heights. Our talking through the issues has helped immensely; I must express my thanks to her for her insights. Another major tool for me has been to link flying with pleasurable activities, one of which is an appreciation of art and music. I have to thank Carol and Herb Gross of the Fly Without Fear support group at LaGuardia Airport for helping reawaken my appreciation of fine arts. First, I must say that I appreciate Carol and Herb's enthusiasm, sense of humor and optimism about helping people, which has come thanks to over 30 years of holding meetings at the airport. Secondly, I took a conditioning flight with the group to Washington, where we visited the Hirschhorn Museum of Modern Art. At the gift shop I purchased a small but colorful book about the life and work of Marc Chagall, which sparked remembrances of my youthful days when I used to draw and daydream (probably a little too often, but that's another story …). From there, I continued work on a "memory book" I developed, using a large artist's pad. In it I've pasted tickets, luggage tags, photos, receipts and other mementos from my flights and, naturally, I've done some journalizing in it too. Since going to the Hirschhorn I've purchased two sets of colored pens, and while "up in the air" (a very appropriate image if you know the work of Chagall) I've used them to sketch-an activity that truly focuses and relaxes my mind. As I've been filling the book I've noticed that I am writing and drawing more freely on each trip. When I started out I was too tense to do any scribbling. Now I wouldn't think of taking a flight without this portfolio of sorts. So, for those who are endeavoring to build a true habit of flying, I suggest you find some way to connect the flight experience with your creative side. Find something that you can immerse yourself in while on the plane that keeps you awake and aware of your surroundings. Finally, what I've tried to do is proceed slowly and systematically, which is why I have done short to medium-range flights for the time being, with the goal of building up to longer ones. If for any reason I have a setback, I may have to return to a more comfortable stage in the progression, and start again. We'll see how it goes. What I've tried to avoid was the classic "all or nothing" mentality. No matter what, I'm determined to maintain my program. Based upon my experience thus far, I want to tell those folks who are still working on this phobia that "you can do it," you can become a flyer, with patience, practice, fortitude, and a positive attitude. I wish you all the best. My flights thus far: May - Graduation flight to Boston with the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center group; May - Fly Without Fear trip to Washington, D.C.; June - First "solo" trip to Washington, D.C.; July - "Discovery Flight" with American Flyers (where I actually flew the plane!); August - Week-long vacation to Myrtle Beach, S.C. ; September - A day in Washington, D.C.; October - Business trip to Boston; November - Visit to relatives in Chicago; December - Weekend trip to Boston.